My brain froze as these were the conflicts I knew came with the understanding of marrying a Sikh boy: 1) Most Sikh boys are Punjabi, 2) Punjabi boys from a young age are indoctrinated with the ideals that they are the superior gender, 3) They have expectations of the ‘wife’ serving them, 4) They have been spoon-fed by their mothers, 5) They do not know how to cook or wash clothes (many do not have the drive to learn either), 6) Due to mothers need to give them everything: they have not nurtured their life skills, 7) Most Punjabi boys don’t go further than Bhangra, Rn B, Hip Pop and Pop and frown upon those that do not conform to ‘Punjabi’ conventions (I love a variety of music genres, mainly alternative) 8) They either tend to drink alcohol or completely condemn alcohol, 9) Or the guy is so in denial about being Punjabi that he scoffs at any association with Punjabi culture.I remember when I began dating my husband, he made some 'jokey' comments which made me think, “gosh, I’m NEVER going to marry this typical Punjabi guy.” Here are some comments; a) “So when you become a housewife…” b) “When we have 5 children…” c) “When you’ll prepare my lunches…” With comment a) my reaction was, “So when did you ask me whether I wanted to become a housewife?
He would, makes some calls, listen or play some music and chill.
But there is also the Punjabi culture that the boy is the superior gender and therefore a female should serve him.
This was highlighted during an akhand paath Sundeep’s mum held for us, many women said ‘May you be blessed with sons.’ (2014).
After the 3rd or so time of Sundeep skipping out of his kitchen whilst I cooked, I realised, right, time to confront this.
I asked him why he left the kitchen whenever we had decided ‘to cook together.’ And his response was ‘Oh I thought you liked doing this for me.’ Now, I know this is because at home he is used to being ‘served’ by his mum and sisters, but again this expectation of the female ‘serving’ the male is an inherited Punjabi ideology.
” With each comment that Sundeep made I realised that he was brought up with those expectations of females and his mother (as most Punjabi mothers do) indoctrinating his mind with that the female should be ‘serving’ the male.