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“Who knows what my friends really thought,” Carly, now 32, laughs.

After their breakup, “feeling sexy was the hardest part of moving on.” 2.

“Just say it.”The “buzz wore off” for Nick after eighteen months.

He “wanted to be seduced, to be excited,” so when Lily just “rolled over and snuggled up,” he’d “ignore her and then feel like such a dick.” After a while, he “could feel the frustration in the air.” Then in their mid-twenties, neither Nick nor Lily was “especially experienced,” and Nick (now 31) says that neither knew how to ask for what they wanted — sexually or in terms of “general intimacy.” Instead, the sex “was close-mouthed,” he says.

“It’s like we were both being half-people.” After three years, he cheated. “The relationship blew up,” they broke up, and then they got back together for five months.

The breakup supercharged their intimacy: The sex was “electric.” “Everything we’d been too afraid to express had bubbled over,” Nick says. It took hurting each other to break down all the walls.” During sex, Nick felt “less shy, less ashamed.” He says, “What I took away is wanting to say what isn’t being said — even if it’s scary. If I could go back I would’ve loved to be more comfortable with that piece of myself sooner.” 3.

What does it mean for a couple when a boyfriend says he’s too tired, again, or a wife stops initiating sex?

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