This isn’t to say a relationship can’t do these things, it’s just that these aren’t the elements upon which a healthy relationship is built. A relationship is an experience to be had and shared.
A relationship also isn’t some sort of milestone, a sign that you have “made it,” that you will be OK, that you are now a member of some elite club. It is about discovering how compatible you are with someone else, and if there is enough chemistry and compatibility to form a lifelong partnership, also known as marriage.
Maybe you’d like to go on dates more regularly or see him a few times during the week.
Tell yourself that you will be fine with things for the time being, and if nothing changes in two weeks, then you can be upset about it and deal with it.
So you enter into the relationship as your best self and then one of two things happens: it works out, or it doesn’t.
And if it doesn’t, you’re OK because you know that it just means you weren’t a match with that person.
And then the devastation starts to creep in…followed by the doubts. He’s happily going along doing his thing while you are knee-deep in heartbreak mode, mourning the loss of what could have been and trying to figure out where it all went wrong. You cling to the relationship even tighter because you remember how miserable it felt when you thought you lost it and you vow not to do anything to screw this up.This also works if you’re in a more established relationship.Let’s say you don’t see your boyfriend as often as you’d like.From then on, the relationship was no longer enjoyable.Every interaction and conversation became a test to see exactly where he stood and how he felt.If he doesn’t propose in the next month, then I will be upset and I will deal with it.